Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
