There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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