Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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