I feel great
I just peed on a car
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
