afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
