if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to make a zoo with you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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