Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize