he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
