We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
