she was so not down for the gang bang
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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