her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
