my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
