You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
