From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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