your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
