at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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