you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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