I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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