: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
