I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
