Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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