dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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