he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
