why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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