I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
