Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
