My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
