did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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