Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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