that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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