Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
