Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
