My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
