Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
