wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize