I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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