Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
