I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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