She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
