im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
