This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
