dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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