I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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