Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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