1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
