yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
