You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
