turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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