Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
