with your own penis?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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