our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Houston, we have a blender
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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