Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
