I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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