I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
