this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
