All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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