Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I could make wine with my vomit
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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