i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
