I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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