I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
