Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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