"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
