I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
