My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
