That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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