I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
