afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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