haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
