and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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