he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
