god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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