just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
