Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
