i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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