Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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