thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
