Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
