Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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