but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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