I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
